Self-doubt is part of the ten stages healing process. As we progressively break from our family on the quest to become a true individual, a part of ourself remains a clone of the family in attitude and behaviour. This part does not want to change. It views the world through the sick family perspective and hates that the deepest part of our desires to free our spirit and stand on our own. The weak attacks the strong, and we feel this attack as self-doubt.
Self-doubt is painful and unpleasant, but valuable. It is the ever present reminder that the civil war within really is happening, and that this is no imaginary internal conflict. Self-doubt points out exactly who are the opposing armies and defines the relative strength and tactics of each. Self-doubt is the conscious expression of the battle between the true self and the false parent that you have internalised, and if you lack clarity about your parents’ deepest motives you need look no further than the cruelty in your own self-doubt. Your parents implanted this self-doubt in you long ago with full intention, however unconscious, of blocking you from progressing on the very journey you are undertaking today. Your parents of today may smile and deny it all, but your self-doubt speaks louder.
As you grow stronger your self-doubt will weaken. But this is not always obvious, because as you grow stronger you will become more conscious of your self-doubt and will hear it more clearly. Whereas in the past you heard your self-doubt unconsciously to the degree that you may have hardly even noticed it and simply followed its orders, now at times it can torture you with its poisoned arrows and roadside bombs. In the past it didn’t consciously trouble you much because you weren’t doing battle with it. You were simply trying to fit in and win impossible love just like you struggled to do as a child. Now you are stronger and realise that if you continue to heed its call it will kill you. So you fight. It is the only way out.
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