Instead of expressing how we feel, we blame, judge and then convict the other person of being guilty. Then we project our verdict onto them and wonder why they react negatively and then use that negative reaction as further proof that our verdict was in fact, correct.
Instead of blaming and judging, if we can open up, become vulnerable and express our feelings and needs, we give the other person an opportunity to course correct with this new information.
And, if over time we are expressing our needs and feelings and they aren't being seen, have the courage to pick up our things and leave. That's the stages path - vulnerability and courage.
It might seem scary, but showing emotion and expressing your needs is how you build intimacy.
(And having high standards and the courage to maintain them is how you make sure that only the best kind of relationships remains in your life.
In the stages to no longer blame the other person, but instead to see the other person as a mirror of his or her own life. It's the stages way to share his or her feelings, rather than blaming someone else for not meeting the needs that were never expressed in the first place. It's the student who is strong enough to walk away from a broken and unfulfilled kind of relationship if his or her needs and emotions aren't being seen.
When you see the current relationships of our life as not a victim, but as a mirror of our own life, you can begin to take empowering actions.
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